FML

FUCK MY LIFE okay.

I touched it again. Just yesterday.

And it's not just 1. It's like close to 10?

Seriously, I'm such a loser.

kthxbye.

>:(

159th post.

Went back to work today after erm.. about 1 week of no work?

Seriously speaking, I'm really sian of working there alr. Nothing to do and the thought of reshufflement. But I desperately need money lah! FML. But then again, my pay just came in, it was like so little :/ I really don't understand what is their what VR cut off or whatever. So if they give me lesser pay I also don't know -_- I like chiong so many days but my pay like peanut zzz. wth siaaa.

Anyway, this week was really a hectic week for me. Drink and drink and drink. Sick and tired alr. I'm giving myself till end of this week, to quit both drinking and smoking and clubbing! Well, got no choice cause Saturday was a farewell clubbing session for Chita :/ After this week, I promise!

Just another thought this few days, I don't know if I'm making the right choice to stay. I seems like a burden to the team and I should totally give the chance to other people who deserve my place. Afterall, I lost touch for so long and I don't have the feel yet. I'm really worried...

Random thought.

Will anyone notice if I am gone one day?

Will anyone miss me?

Will anyone cry for me?

What if one day I just disappear and nobody cares? Yes, I will feel very sad.

But I don't really want anyone to feel sad.

Because I think I don't deserve to let anyone feel sad.

And maybe, if I leave,

I should just leave quietly...

157th.

I was so scared just now. My iPhone actually stuck thr for practically about 20mins! Was so worried it will just stuck thr all the way till like maybe next morning(?) until I found the solution on Google. It's really a genius. Whenever I have something I couldn't solve, I will just Google.

So anw, I went to watch movie alone earlier today. This was the first time I went to watch movie alone, and it was "Smurfs". I feel rather sad that I don't have anyone around to laugh with while watching the show. It's seems like I don't really have any friends. Well, just saying :/ And that feeling sucks. I think this will be the first and the last time I'm going to watch a movie alone. It really make me feel so emo sitting one corner and laughing to myself. I would rather just watch at home.

I bought clothes again. Been spending and spending and spending. This is really bad, my bank balance had been in the "negative" zone since like 2-3months ago after I bought my laptop. I seriously don't know how to save. Whenever I see something I like, I just buy without any consideration. I think I'm just one of the any other impulse buyers :/ Can't wait for the pay to come, cause I'm thinking of buying a Crumpler laptop bag to get ready for school reopening soon. And I want to get that Garrett's popcorn tin plus I have signed up for Nike Run too. Omg, this is rolling more and more. Should start saving once I get what I need since I'm starting school real soon and I might go jobless soon(?) after the reshufflement.

After movie, went over to Pasir Ris for BBQ session with TP's netballers. To be honest, this is the first time ever I have met with the Year 1s. Totally feel like a stranger to them, and like awkward? Nvm, I'm sure we will be able to work together great as a team (: I'm glad I went over to the BBQ as I had already very long nvr get to see the other netballers alr. It was really a nice catch-up.....

--Think I've to head to bed alr, Morning shift tmr.

`I'm still very worried and sad and feeling the insecurities. Everybody's changing, Everything changing, the world is also changing. Sometimes, I feel really scare.

156th post.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

-Isaac Asimov

Looking through some of the posts made me had some mixed feelings here and there. Life is really unpredictable like what others always say. We, humans could be jumping around healthily but gone the very next moment. Life is really really short and fragile.

September is definitely a bad month, just the beginning only and so many bad things have alr happened to both me and the ppl around me. I just hope that everyone will be safe and healthy.

So anyway, was suppose to get my rest day tmr, which is like uhm today. But due to some reason, I've to cover for a team member, so I accepted the slot to work tmr and thurs. Which also means that I'm working straight for 7days without and rest days in between. To make it sound even more horrible, I'm working 11 days with only a rest day on thurs and that's it. Haha, even tho it sounded horrible, but I still feels that it's alright. It's not really that tiring (: maybe it's because I enjoy working there with my friends. Oh! And to my surprise I wasn't at carts today! But instead, I was put at the sales floor. That's like quite a relieve for me as I don't have to spray water today :x But I guess I'll be back at carts again tmr :/ Well, let's see how the planning goes tmr!

For now, it's like alr 12.40am. Wayyyyyy past my bedtime! >:(

Time to sleep! Hope it will be a happy and enjoyable day tmr :)

One more thing: Happy Birthday to my BFF! Patrick! (:

155th post: Work with a Positive Mind.

Hmm, let's see.

So I was told today that I've already exceed a total of 50 working hours this week :/ I'm not sure what that means actually LOL. I mean is there a rule that states that casuals can't work more than 50 hours a week? ._. I seriously have no idea and the thing is I worked 6 days this week, don't want to exceed also difficult. Okay, so whatever. Gonna get my break during work tmr, cause I skipped almost all break time this week and get extra hour for every meal break I skipped and my asm wants me to go for break tmr -.-" Oh well... Anyway, today was quite shoik. Cause zy, may, shikin and I at JO and I was placed at carts again! ): 6 days at carts! I totally have this feeling I'll be in carts again tmr, kinda hope it will be at JO tho :/ Last work day tmr before I get a rest on Monday, this week I definitely worked more days than a Ftimer ;lols ! And I can't wait for my pay! :x Actually I want to chiong work is because I won't get to work soon as I will be attending training to prepare for POL-ITE and also school's starting soon. I've checked, 24 Oct is when new term starts, like it will totally come in a flash ): But anyway, I think I won't get so many slots for the rest of the weeks alr cause most of the days are either 1 or 0.

Another re-shufflement is coming soon, feeling kinda worried and sad. But I know as long as I go to work with a positive attitude and stay as a team, nothing is impossible. Hahahah! (:

Haiiiissss, I'm quite disappointed with myself recently! I actually decided not to touch cigarettes anymore after my internship. But I failed terribly. Just last week, when R and SW bought a new one, I couldn't resist myself and ask for a stick. Then today, I actually bought a fresh pack. Guess my determination is still not thr yet :(

During a short meeting today, when asked who's a smoker, I feel quite ashamed and I didn't even have the guts to admit idk why. Feel like a failure again, totally. That's it.

I'm going to have that strong determination and really not touch any cigarettes for at least a year then forever not going to touch, not even socialise smoking . Starting from tmr!

Hope that my life will turn for the better! God will help me through this, I'm sure.

154th post: Just another day at work.

为什么人总是等到失去了才会懂得珍惜呢？

I'm one good perfect example. Always when things come to the end, only then I will start to treasure the times or want to go back. But we all know that it is impossible.

Recently, I found out that I actually could overcome my weakness, but I just don't have the courage to do so. And I will feel very demoralize, like in this life, I couldn' t accomplish anything at all anymore. Being in the Police Force or any military kind of thing used to be my dream, now I don't think I will ever think about it again. Cause it will only embarrass myself.

Ahhhh, enough of my loser life.

So, I had been working at the carts for 5days since last Sunday. Totally shag! 72. 22. 70. 104. 125. Is the total number of mist fans sold the past 5 days that I'm working. Seriously, the crowd is super scary! I am now even having phobia of mist fans already. Kinda hope I won't be at cart tmr x.x"

Everyday is a brand new challenge to me! I shall get to sleep now and face a whole new challenge with a positive mind ! (:

Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.
-William James

153rd post.

Decided to change my blog layout to the most simplest you can ever find. Well, just find it neater that way :/ sometimes we just need to have a little change eh.

And I just got this sudden urge to blog. And it's been long since i last really had a blog post.

So well, it's going to be 1 month soon since I finished internship. Kinda miss those times when I get to work 5 days a week. It really kept me busy and most importantly, working with my fellow team members. I guess it's really important that we can have such good rapport among us even tho sometimes we might not agree with each other :/ Now that I have convert to casual, I only get to work 2-3 days a week or none at all, except for this week where I get to work 6 days. ;LOL Well, so anyway, I guess we can't go back time and just have to move on right!

Mooncake festival is coming! Spent 80bucks today just to get mooncakes for my relatives and my mum. Heart pain! But I guess it alright since we only get to eat them once a year (: Gonna start target myself again. Must must must diet and reach my target before new sem starts! >:( Everytime when I say I want to diet, I always fail to do so ): Maybe I should just turn myself vegetarian from tmr onwards! At least, it will be healthier this way I guess :/ Oh yah, have to remind myself to also sleep early! Best is if I can turn in before 12. So right now, it's like 12.10am alr, guess I should head to bed soon as it will be a battle for the next 3 days! Go Go Go! :D