Disappointment.

I want to cry. I don't think I can hold on much longer anymore, I'm just feeling very stress I don't know why. This week is just the first week of school and I can already feel that heavy pressure. I so worried that I will be like last time again, having depression and skipping school and I don't know.. That feeling just sucks. Worse of all, I feel like I got betrayed by my friends. This is what happens when I normally say, "Is there really true friends in this world?" To me, that answer had always been a "yes" till recently I'm really disappointed. Really. I don't know if I can trust everyone that had been called "friends" with me. I feel like giving up, but it's already the last sem. I want to talk to my CM, but I'm worried that it will be awkward cause he will be my apel tutor too -_-

我该怎么办？我快要失去理智了。有谁能帮帮我？

让我通过这一关，好吗？

Slowly Losing It.

Srsly, I am really sick of ppl telling me that "You can do it, don't give up!","Must have confidence in yourself" and whatever that is called motivational speech. I'm not being mean, but just stfu alr. I'm losing it alr, I'm losing the will to continue living. I feel like just leaving. I know, ppl often say running away is not solving the problem, but I just can't! I must admit I'm someone who is really looking strong on the outside, but really really weak on the inside. I feel like... Idk, I'm just feeling really stress )':

And honestly speaking, this 3 years in TP, was by far my worst 3 years in my whole entire life. All fucked up problems just kept on coming since year 1. Next sem is the final sem alr, I can't wait to leave that stupid place. It's where all the stupid things happen. Fuck.

164th post.

I think I just dug a grave for myself. Already hardly getting any rest, and yet I still agreed to go to work tmr when I have a game at night. And this was suppose to be my last week before sch starts. I just hope POL-ITE faster end. Last 2 games only, and I think I might not be going back for IVP also. Might as well give the chance to the juniors so that they will have more exposure also, that will be even better lor.

On a second note, I've been trying real hard, but I just can't. It's really killing me inside. I have no mood for anything. Now, I just live and watch the day go by because I have to. I don't know what to do anymore ):

Finally, 3 years over.

Time have been passing so quickly that I didn't notice that 3 years have already passed. Time to really forget everything and put everything behind. Time for me to move on and change my life. I can do it 3 years ago, I'm sure I can do it too this time round. The past is just a past, now I shall start my life afresh! The past 3 years, I have not been leading the life I want to be. But, I have no choice and I have given myself that amount of time to really settle down and really think what I want.

Coincidentally, today will be the first game for POL-ITE. I hope my emotions will not affect me on court if not I will really bring the team down :/ But these emotions that I have kept for 3 years is really difficult for me to just let it go. Well, I guess that's life. Like I said, I'm a very sentimental person. I cannot afford to lose anyone important to me in my life. Even after 3 years, right now, I still cannot control.. It's been quite some time since I last cry alr. I guess putting it down and letting it go really is something I must do now for me to move on. Three years is enough, I need to get back up!

Shall wake up to a brand new day tmr, with a brand new attitude and a brand new Joanne! C:

`He let me know what love is the last time. For that I must thank him. Frankly speaking, it's part of my best memories I have up till now. I'm sorry that I have to forget him now. This 3 years, it's have been hard for me and now I want to move on. He will always be part of my best part memories and I hope God will bless him through his future endeavors :') Thanks for everything..

Decisions.

Am still thinking whether I should continue staying or quit. The feel isn't there anymore, it's so different I can hardly accept it. I'm the kind of person who can't accept changes especially when the people are those who will influence me. Till now, even tho I keep telling myself it's the same old place, with the same full timers, but it just feels weird when the 3 mentors who guide me through are gone. They are a huge influence to me I must say.

Well, I think I'll still keep on trying and the fact that I will be starting sch soon means lesser working days. So... I'll see how! :s

P.s.: 1111 (:

A New "beginning" All Over Again

The past few days spent with fellow Dino team members can say is somehow my most awesome time I have during this year. Since don't know when I last had so much fun with my friends. It was truly like a one big family. From the time we spent in Seoul Garden to St James Food Republic, we really throw everything aside and enjoy!

Had been constantly telling myself that everyone have to accept changes in life, but I guess talking is easy and doing it is really tough. And it all takes time.

Today is the first day it all begins. A whole new beginning, yet again. I felt like as though today is my first day reporting for work, some "new" faces and definitely new working style :/ Throughout the whole day, I've been thinking about the times when I first came in to work as an intern. When there was still JPR, Abang, Merilyn and Gordon. I might not know alot of things from the start, and they are the ones who guided me through up till now. Geeee, I think I'm too emotional.

Alright, since school's starting real soon and that's mean that I can only work on Sat & Sun and that's also means I might get cut anytime.... So, we'll see how it goes and take one step at a time (: I'm pretty sure as time goes by, we'll get to know each other better and hopefully the 'barrier' will break. I don't know about the others, but I seems to have some difficulties speaking with her. I mean like I don't know why she got some sort of 杀气(?)

Right now, I guess I better go to bed now and try to sleep. Been having trouble sleeping again lately :'(

P.S.: I LOVE ALL THE DINO TEAM MEMBERS! ♥♥♥ :')